- 1 Roster
- 2 Pitchers
- 3 Former Players
- 4 Season Results
- 5 Team Overview
- 6 Fan Culture
- 7 Fan Art
- Tot Fox
- Forrest Best
- Nagomi Mcdaniel
- Kennedy Loser
- Luis Acevedo
- Sutton Dreamy
- Parker Parra
- Tillman Henderson
- Pedro Davids
Blessings and Trades
- Winnie Hess (To the Kansas City Breath Mints, end of Season 1)
- PolkaDot Patterson (To the Canada Moist Talkers, end of Season 2)
- Holden Stanton (To the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, end of Season 3)
- Nagomi Mcdaniel (To the Breckenridge Jazz Hands, end of Season 5)
- Joshua Watson (To the Chicago Firefighters, end of Season 5)
- Oliver Notarobot (To the Seattle Garages, end of Season 7)
|1 - Revival||38||61||Crabs begin their humble journey as the least successful team in the Evil League, and the second least successful overall (falling just short of perennial loss champions the Tacos).|
|2 - 'The Discipline Era' begins||49||50||Improved performance greatly after gaining 87-fingered pitcher PolkaDot Patterson. First team to reach a 20-inning game, versus the Jazz Hands.|
|3 - 'Peanut Plague/Uncertainty'||44||55||Lost PolkaDot Patterson. Spent most of the season in 4th or 5th in the Lawful Evil division but finished in a respectable 3rd.|
|4 - Feedback||52||47||Missed the playoffs by one game after fading at the end of the season due to the loss of Valentine Games (feedback trade) and Combs Duende (incineration).|
|5 - Reverb||65||34||Finished with the league-best record after optimizing their staff (Notarobot to batter, James to pitcher) but lost in the first round of the playoffs due to a nervous and overeager lineup.|
|6 - Idols||80||19||The Greatest Team Ever (to date) assembled after winning four blessings. Crabs had unprecedented blaseball success, including a 21 game winning streak and completely sweeping the playoffs to win their first championship.|
|7 - Getting Shelled||67||32||A strong Crabs team finished with the best record in both leagues, but lost to the San Francisco Lovers in the semifinal. This prevented the crabs from being targeted by the Champions in the Making blessing, which would steal three of the league champion's players, however, in an inter-team ambassadorship program the Crabs sent Oliver Notarobot to the Seattle Garages in exchange for Luis Acevedo.|
|8 - Rest In Violence||74||25||The Revenge of Crab, decimating the season once again and running all the way to finals to block the Hades Tigers from ascension as the Crabs claimed champion status. In a repeat of Season 2, failed to claim any blessings despite having bidded the highest in seven separate blessings, a result calculated by Crabs statisticians as an 8.5% chance critical failure.|
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
For more on the Crabs' history, see Baltimore Crabs/History.
The Baltimore Crabs were founded in 1352 as a sign of worship for The Olde One, a deity that lies dormant in Baltimore Harbor.
Since the start of Internet League Blaseball, the Crabs fans and players have vowed to "turn [their] resentment for the indifferent Blaseball Gods, as well as [their] bitterness and spite, into fuel for the Great Crab Reckoning" due to the disastrous outcomes of the Season 2 election. It is as yet unknown what the Great Crab Reckoning entails, but it is theorized to involve carcinization: the belief that given enough time and evolution, all teams in the league will evolve into identical copies of the Crabs.
The Baltimore Crabs are co-managed by Howard and Dwayne, a pair of rooting, tooting moon crabs. The married cowboys were appointed to the managerial role by the Mother Crab as a wedding day gift.
The Baltimore Crabs Coach is a figure known only as The Clawricle. It is widely agreed that they are said to have the gift of prophecy, though the exact nature of this gift and the origins and identity of the Clawricle is subject to assorted rumours.
The Crabs' mascot (crabscot) is a crab named Crab Scott. They wield a knife in one claw and a cigarette in the other. They do not fear death, and harbor endless rage and vengeance against the blaseball Gods. They were originally a pet of PolkaDot Patterson, who in answer to how they came to acquire Scott as a pet simply said “They just kinda showed up one day.” Since Patterson’s defection at the end of Season 2, Crab Scott has since become the pet of replacement pitcher Oliver Notarobot.
The Crabs' groundskeeper is an elderly Finnish man with a very large beard named Yurts Trunbo. Yurts lives in a back room of The Crabitat alongside his approximately 50 pet crabs. Every morning he takes his crabs on a walk during which they repair any damage and restore the stadium to the standard that fans have come to expect.
Yurts's name is itself a sentient entity, coincidentally also named Yurts Trunbo (i.e. Yurts Trunbo's name's name is also Yurts Trunbo). This initially created some awkwardness for the groundskeeper Yurts, whose expression of identity had formed its own nested unique identity, but it seems Yurts and his identity have formed an amicable relationship as of Season 6. Yurtses' nature often leads to those who learn the groundskeeper's name to babble "Yurts Trunbo" in various unrelated contexts as they attempt to converse with the abstract being that is Yurts Trunbo's name.
Yurts Trunbo's name's name is named Phillip.
- The Seattle Garages, for their shared love of deicide.
- The Chicago Firefighters, from a bond forged in blood after a series of twelve back-to-back games in Season 8. This alliance is known as Chiclawgo.
- Dallas Steaks, aka the Surf N Turf
For a more in-depth look at Crabs fan culture, see Baltimore Crabs/Fan Culture.
The Crabs have a reputation as a hardy bunch. Crabs fans are often seen cheering for draws into extra time. Some suggest they believe this will accelerate the Great Crab Reckoning while others have suggested they merely appreciate a few extra innings. New fans of the Crabs are sometimes referred to as "crablet" or "softshell". Crabs fans refer to players of their team who don't pan out as "Bustaceans". The Crabs fans, though tough and "snip-throat" in competition, are among the most supportive and inclusive teams in the league.
- Claws up!
- Claws up for Trans Rights!
- Let's go Crabs baby love da Crabs
- Hard Times, Hard Shells
- TIME FOR CRAB
- Call: Old!
- Response: Bay!
- "Ain't no laws when you have claws" and its popular variant, "Claw's the law"
- Crabs Bad! / Crabs Good! (Chanted in equal measures when the Crabs are under- and over-performing, respectively.)
- Incinerate! Carcinizate! (when incineration occurs)
- Best is Best! (Showing support for Forrest Best)
- Run, Forrest, Run! (Also while showing support for Forrest Best)
- TOO TOT TO TROT / TOO HOT TOO TOT / 2TOT2TROT (Showing support for Tot Fox)
- TILLY TIME / TILLY TRIPLE (Showing support for Tillman Henderson and his love of triples)
- Dreamy's so dreamy! (Showing support for Sutton Dreamy)
- LOOOOOOOOOOOSERRRRRRR (Common crowd chant in support for Kennedy Loser. Well, it's really more like a unified yell)
- Call: Ollie Ollie Ollie! Response: Snip snip snip! (showing support for Oliver Notarobot. This chant has remained at games against the Garages, in a show of support for the former teammate and friendly rivalry between the two teams.)
For Other Teams
- WE ARE FROM CHICLAWGO! (in reference to the alliance with the Chicago Firefighters)
- Call: Never Look Back! Response: We Do Not Have Necks!
Have more Crabs fan art? Add it at Baltimore Crabs/Fan Art!