Blood Hamburger is a lineup player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and has been with the team since Season 3.


Official League Records

Hamburger joined the league on Season 3, Day 75, after the incineration of Blankenship Fischer in a game against the Los Angeles Tacos.

On Season 8, Day 98, Hamburger gained a ½ star in batting, pitching, and baserunning due to Enhanced Party Time.

In the Season 10 elections, Hamburger received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof.


COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Media Recognition

Off the field, Blood Hamburger is a notable media personality and commentator who regularly appears on Blaseball splortscasts and has garnered a reputation as "one of the most recognisable names in Blaseball." Hamburger has been mentioned by name in several major publications unrelated to Blaseball, including The Paris Review and Rock Paper Shotgun.


Personal Life

The IRM randomly chooses one backstory of many written by the Blaseball community when the page is loaded. To read all about the Interdimensional Rumor Mill, visit Interdimensional Rumor Mill. If you would like to edit this entry, click IF-87.998, or if you would like to see a list of all Rumors for this player, click Rumor Registry.

Appearance

WARNING There have been reports of individuals suffering adverse effects (memory loss, feelings of dread, unexplained bleeding) after studying Blood Hamburger for too long. Proceed with caution!

Hamburger is an unassuming figure, reminiscent of that classic 70s-era blaseball player everyone knows and loves. Some witnesses find their lack of eyebrows and fingernails unsettling, while others squirm at their too-sharp smile, or complain that they "look sort of squishy". Most agree that Hamburger is “pretty normal, I think”.

It is rumoured that Hamburger is actually made of raw meat, dripping with blood that spreads and oozes and oh god where is it coming from These claims are difficult to verify as the blood pouring from the witnesses’ eyes may have obscured their vision, and accounts vary wildly after blinking or looking away. These conflicts in appearance are reported more often just before Hamburger is up to bat. In one particularly disturbing account, “their human form just sloughed off, leaving a formless mass of bloody raw hamburger meat with eyes”.

Other Shoe Thieves players have mentioned similar encounters. Esme Ramsey notably said:

"Hamburger? Great guy, nice as heck and what a swing. Couldn't ask for a better teammate than 'ol Bloody Burger. Though you don't want to stare at him too long, or the, y'know. You've seen it? The blood.  Leaking out everywhere. Like a rusty bucket finally giving way. Like a river. Like...like an ocean...like the sky is an ocean of blood, and...and it's gonna start raining. It's--i mean, you've seen that, right?  It's just, ol' Hamburger. Great guy."

Personality

Hamburger has been described as “kind of boring”, mostly owing to their conversations revolving around the weather, laundry, and blaseball tactics. They have been working on the same blood soaked 1,000,000-piece puzzle for several years. It is difficult to determine Hamburger’s diet. They claim to be vegan, and yet several people have seen them tearing into raw meat, moustache dripping with blood. So much blood, oh god- how can there be this much blood?

Gallery


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