The Charleston Shoe Thieves are an Internet League Blaseball team in the Mild Low division of the Mild League. They have been a part of the League since Season 1. The Shoe Thieves were previously in the Chaotic Good division of the Good League.
- 1 Roster
- 2 Former Players
- 3 Season Results
- 4 Team Overview
- 5 Stadium
- 6 Staff
- 7 Fan Culture
- 8 Curse
- 9 Historic Moments
- 10 Fan Art
- Hotbox Sato
- Richardson Games
- Velazquez Alstott
- Simon Haley
- Stu Trololol
- Sebastian Woodman
- Howell Franklin
- Esme Ramsey
- Blood Hamburger
- Sebastian Townsend (Season 3, Day 40; replaced by Atlas Jonbois)
- Atlas Jonbois (Season 3, Day 43; replaced by Sebastian Woodman)
- Matteo Prestige (Season 3, Day 57; replaced by Gunther O'Brian)
- Blankenship Fischer (Season 3, Day 75; replaced by Blood Hamburger)
- Workman Gloom (Season 4, Day 28; replaced by Joe Voorhees)
- Morrow Doyle (Season 4, Day 58; replaced by Hotbox Sato)
- Ren Hunter (Season 4, day 83; replaced by Richardson Games)
- Antonio Wallace (Season 6, Day 23; replaced by Lachlan Shelton)
- Lachlan Shelton (Season 8, Day 44; replaced by Eugenia Garbage)
- Eugenia Garbage (Season 8, Day 44; replaced by Simon Haley)
- Beasley Gloom (Season 9, Day 64; replaced by Jaylen Hotdogfingers)
- Jaylen Hotdogfingers (Season 10 idol board swap; replaced by Tillman Henderson)
- Forrest Bookbaby (Season 3 Election; replaced by Kevin Dudley)
- Joe Voorhees (Season 6 Election; replaced by Howell Franklin)
- Kevin Dudley (Season 8 Election; replaced by Fitzgerald Wanderlust)
The Shoe Thieves narrowly secured The Good League's fourth and final playoff spot in Game 98 of Season 2, edging out the Yellowstone Magic to proceed to the playoffs with a final record of 50-49, the least wins of any playoff team that season. The Shoe Thieves made it to the Internet Series finals before losing the championship to the Philly Pies.
In the Season 2 election, the Shoe Thieves won a single blessing:
- Yes Plz!, which improved their hitting by 10%.
The Shoe Thieves advanced to the playoffs in Season 3, securing the second playoff spot in The Good League with a record of 60-40, and were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs against the San Francisco Lovers.
In the Season 4 election, the Shoe Thieves won a single blessing:
- Grappling Hook, which increased Richardson Games' baserunning and defense to 5.5 stars each.
In the Season 5 election, the Shoe Thieves won two blessings:
- Bad Neighbors, which impaired the overall rating of the rest of the Mild Low division by 3%.
- Soul Swap, which randomized the 5 worst players on the team:
In the Season 6 election, the Shoe Thieves won two blessings:
- Who?, which stole the least popular player in the league, hitter Howell Franklin, from the Houston Spies, and maxed their stats. Their worst hitter, Joe Voorhees, was sent in return.
- Mutually Arising, which improved the overall rating of the Mild Low division by 2%
The Shoe Thieves secured the Mild League's third playoff spot and the highest of the Mild Low division with a record of 56-43, just barely ahead of season champions Mexico City Wild Wings.
In the Season 7 election, Shoe Thieves were one of the top 4 teams impacted by the Bless Off decree and were ineligible to receive any blessings, but were still among the Mild Low division teams to be protected by The Shame Bubble.
In the Season 8 election, the Shoe Thieves won two blessings:
- Radical Alchemy, which re-rolled the team's three worst players:
- Thief in the Night, which stole Fitzgerald Wanderlust from the Unlimited Tacos' Shadows. Kevin Dudley was sent to the Tacos' Shadows in return.
Following the Season 9 election, the Shoe Thieves were subject to the Fifth Base and Targeted Shame.
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
For an in-depth look at the Shoe Thieves' history, see Charleston Shoe Thieves/History.
The Charleston Shoe Thieves are from Charleston. They are known for stealing shoes, especially from rival teams. The Shoe Thieves are also known as "the second gayest team in Blaseball" after losing the top spot to the New York Millennials in a game of paper scissors rock. They have a long-standing friendship with the Halifax-based Canada Moist Talkers, with whom they have traded players no fewer than fives times.
The team originally formed as a front for a heist, led by legendary master thief Cornelius Games. Once they realized that they were somewhat competent at the game, the team continued to play professionally. The current roster is a mixture of Games' original crew, professional blaseball players, and Gunther.
Shoes Thieves signal to each other by holding up coded shoes.
The Choux Stadium is a French Patisserie in the forest of Mt. Pleasant, although its exact location is unknown. The stadium is maintained by a team of mysterious Gnomes who seemed to appear not long after the stadium was established. Their role in the disappearance of patrons' shoes is unconfirmed. Rumours that the gnomes are just mutant raccoons are unsubstantiated.
The Shoe Thieves do not have a traditional owner. Ownership of the team is distributed among every patron of the Choux Stadium and returned upon exit.
- General Manager: Cornelius Games functions as the team's general manager, as well as being their ace pitcher.
- Manager: You!
- Pitching Coach: After their unfortunate delacing, Matteo Prestige's spirit became trapped in the upper decks of Choux Stadium. In between cries of eternal anguish, the spirit can be heard coaching the team's pitching staff. They have been given the honorary title of head pitching coach as a result.
- Chief Marine Biologist and Legal Council: Holden Milk makes sure that if a shoe thief is ever caught, no one ever sets foot in court.
For a more in-depth look at Shoe Thieves fan culture, see Charleston Shoe Thieves/Fan Culture
Fans of the Charleston Shoe Thieves are also known as "Accomplices" or "Thieves". There is an emphasis on mutual respect, supporting fellow thieves, and the search for fresh kicks. The most common chant heard from fans is a call and response: "Whose Kicks? / Our Kicks!"
Following the Grand Unslam, the Charleston Shoe Thieves did not gain any performance stars as the result of a feedback trade (or set of single game feedback trades,) between the advent of feedback in Season 4 and Day 63 of Season 9, despite being affected by feedback six times over five seasons. This string of bad luck was attributed to a splorts curse brought into effect by an entity or entities affiliated with the city of Los Angeles or the Unlimited Tacos to punish the Shoe Thieves for their role in opening the Bad Gateway and shattering the city of Los Angeles into the infinite Los Angeli. In a statement to press regarding the curse, Shoe Thieves pitcher and general manager Cornelius Games noted that the team “...bear no ill will toward the Tacos or the city of Los Angeles. We don't even know that there is a curse, or that Los Angeles is its source. Our sins are manifold and we are unrepentant. We will not be returning Wyatt Mason's 1985 Air Jordans.”
The curse was broken on Day 63 of Season 9, when Beasley Gloom was traded to the Canada Moist Talkers for Jaylen Hotdogfingers. Fans have speculated that Jaylen's relationship to The Microphone, an entity closely associated with the Grand Unslam, may have had some bearing on the breaking of the curse.
Stu Stole Home
Stu Stole Home 2
On Day 71 of Season 2, in a game against the New York Millennials, Trololol again stole fourth base in the bottom of the 8th inning to secure a 6-5 win for the Shoe Thieves.
The Grand Unslam
See the main article on The Grand Unslam.
Gunther's Great Heist
On Day 97 of Season 4, Gunther O'Brian holds the Hawai'i Fridays to only a single run and secures the Shoe Thieves' place in the playoffs.
Beasley's Boss Battle
On Day 63 of Season 5, Beasley Gloom pitched 14 great innings against the Chicago Firefighters, holding them to only three runs, then Esme Ramsey hit a home run to shame them in the bottom of the 14th.
Dudley Shames Dudley
See the main article on Dudley Shames Dudley.
On Day 76 of Season 5, Wesley Dudley scored the winning run in the bottom of the 10th inning, shaming Shoe Thieves pitcher Kevin Dudley.
Gunther's Supercharged Shutout
On Day 22 of Season 6, Gunther O'Brian pitches his first shut out against the Canada Moist Talkers in a 10-0 stomping.
Workman's Last Stand
On Day 81 of Season 7, Canada Moist Talkers batter Workman Gloom was tragically incinerated to repay a debt. Though no longer a Shoe Thief, accomplices celebrated their accomplishments and mourned their incineration alongside Moist Talkers fans all the same. In the bottom of the 4th inning, Gloom posthumously hit a solo home run, bringing the Moist Talkers out of a 1-1 tie. Gloom's heroic final run stands as a testament to their dedication and skill to the splort of Blaseball.
The Double Swap
On Day 44 of Season 8, the Canada Moist Talkers and Charleston Shoe Thieves (an already infamous pair with respect to player trades) were the first teams to ever experience two Feedback swaps in one game. On Day 40, Eugenia Garbage had been hit by a pitch and began Flickering. In a later game against the Shoe Thieves, still flickering, Garbage was swapped for Lachlan Shelton in the bottom of the 2nd inning. Garbage played for the Shoe Thieves in the top of the 4th inning, before being swapped again in the top of the 7th for Moist Talker Simon Haley. By the end of the transaction only two players ended up on different teams, but Garbage was moved to the top of the Moist Talker's lineup, where previously they had been second to last.