Choux Stadium is the home field of the Charleston Shoe Thieves and is located somewhere in the forest that surrounds Mt. Pleasant. The stadium most notably operates as a French Patisserie and is the establishment's primary form of income. Entry is free but all fans who enter mysteriously leave barefoot, their shoes are believed to be taken by the Stadium Gnomes. If homophobes, racists, specists, or other bigots attempt entry they are spirited away, never to be seen again.

Stadium History

The Early Years

Choux Stadium was founded by Maximé Coüture who originally established it as a French Patisserie. The patisserie started from humble beginnings as Maximé was the only human employee, though he did notably receive regular help from the local wildlife in forests of Mt. Pleasant. In its early years, the patisserie operated primarily out of a small cart that was pulled by two large deer into the towns that surrounded Mt. Pleasant. The cart was originally necessary to sell the pastries because the physical location of the patisserie is believed to magically change locations, but this has never been confirmed1. Maximé's patisserie cart began to gain a significant amount of traction in the Charleston area after one of it's most popular items, the pain au chocolat, received a remarkable review from Painstry Monthly where the editor of the periodical described the snack as being "Divine". This marks the beginning of a period of tremendous profits for Maximé and his patisserie business which spurred him to thoughts of expanding his operations and diversifying his investments outside of the culinary world2.

The Introduction of Blaseball to Charleston

Maximé reached out to The Internet League of Blaseball to establish his patisserie shop as an official blaseball stadium. Some say that in originally naming his patisserie enterprise "Choux Stadium", Maximé always had his eye on merging his business venture into the world of splorts. His personal diary was examined for any signs of this being his plan from the start, but no evidence was ever found3.

That's a bad name for a pastry cart, but an okay name for a Blaseball stadium. Mostly on account of them usin' the word "stadium" in the name. - Jean Simon, woman outside a coffee shop

The Internet League of Blaseball put Maximé in contact with Cornelius Games, an aspiring tuxedo thief, who wanted to form a blaseball team in the Charleston area with himself as the general manager. The two partnered in officially bringing blaseball to Choux Stadium, the home of the Charleston Shoe Thieves. The expansion of the patisserie operation into a regulation blaseball stadium took several years. Upon its completion the facilities operated not only as a haven for blaseball fans in Charleston, but it solidified itself as one of the largest french patisserie operations the United States had ever seen.

The Stadium Gnomes

After the expansion of Choux Stadium, the wildlife that had formally assisted Maximé Coüture in his patisserie business dispersed back into the wild. It was not long after this that the first sightings of The Gnomes were noted on the grounds go Choux Stadium and began taking over the stadium operations. Little is known about the gnomes, but we can most certainly say that any rumors that the gnomes are just mutant raccoons that have learned speech are entirely unsubstantiated and should not be believed4. It is also believed that these gnomes are the cause of the missing shoes of the patrons of Choux Stadium.

The Gnomes seem to have developed a sort of symbiotic relationship with the Charleston Shoe Thieves, with many Shoe Thieves reporting that any stolen kicks left unattended disappear, only to reappear some time later miraculously resized to fit the thief who stole them. When pressed for details about these events, Shoe Thieves General Manager Cornelius Games denied any knowledge of them, asking the reporter “What are you, some sort of Gnome Cop?” before leaving the interview.  

Logistics

It is worth noting that even after the expansion of Choux Stadium, the location still remains unknown. Anyone traveling to Choux Stadium meets at a bus stop in the city of Charleston where they are blindfolded and then boarded onto a large horse drawn carriage and brought to the stadium that is driven by three of the gnomes standing on one another's shoulders in a large trench coat. Fans traveling home from the stadium return the same way only this time, they are barefoot and have no recollection of losing their shoes.

Footnotes

  1. Charles Louis and Dale Cartwright performed a number of tests in an attempt to ascertain the location of Choux Stadium, but to no avail. Phase 1 included the use of helicopter surveillance, but produced inconclusive evidence. Phase 2 included the use of sonar and thermal imaging devices, but produced inconclusive evidence. Phase 3 included the fastening of GoPro cameras to a network of foxes that were released into the forest. A resounding 96.7% of the foxes were recovered and the video data they collected was analyzed, but they all produced inconclusive evidence.
  2. The Personal Diary of Maximé Coüture: 103-105
  3. Charles Louis and Dale Cartwright performed a number of tests in an attempt to ascertain whether or not Maximé Coüture planned to create a blaseball stadium at the start of this patisserie business, but to no avail. Phase 1 included both men reading The Personal Diary of Maximé Coüture, but this produced inconclusive evidence. Phase 2 included the use of lemon juice and heat on the pages of the diary in an attempt to find any hidden messages, but this produced inconclusive evidence. Phase 3 included leaving the diary in a room with a network of foxes to allow them to sniff out any additional clues. At the conclusion of Phase 3 the diary was completely destroyed and no additional evidence was found.
  4. Charles Louis and Dale Cartwright performed a number of tests in an attempt to ascertain whether or not the gnomes are just mutant raccoons that have learned speech, but to no avail. Phase 1 included both men hiding out in various areas of the forest surrounding Mt. Pleasant in an attempt to capture a gnome, but this produced inconclusive evidence. Phase 2 included the use of helicopter surveillance, sonar, thermal imaging devices, and a combination of lemon juice and heat applied to the surrounding areas in an attempt to find the gnomes, but this produced inconclusive evidence. Phase 3 included both men leading a network of foxes into the forest on a hunt to capture a single gnome dead or alive. Phase 3 was never officially concluded as neither of the men, nor any of the foxes, were ever seen again.


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