Esme Ramsey is a lineup player for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and has been with the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

As of the end of the Season 8 regular season, Esme Ramsey holds the record for most career walks in blaseball at 307. They are the only blaseball player with 300 or more career walks.

In the Season 10 elections, Ramsey gained the Haunted modification from the blessing of the same name. Additionally, along with the rest of the Shoe Thieves, Ramsey received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof.


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Blaseball Career


Ramsey first encountered Blaseball while drinking from a pool of primordial malice (allegedly, to impress a woman they were dating at the time) and witnessing the First Pitch (or an approximation thereof). This created an irresistible compulsion to play Blaseball, and despite having no prior experience with the splort, Ramsey could consistently be found clinging to the fence outside Hellmouth Sunbeams (then the Moab Sunbeams) games and attempting to ingest stray balls. This determination ultimately proved appealing to the Sunbeams, who brought Ramsey on as a member of the roster. The batter served admirably for several years before being released as a free agent, after which Ramsey felt inexplicably drawn to the fledgling Shoe Thieves.

Career with the Shoe Thieves

Ramsey has proved to be a reliable hitter, going as far as winning the team's MVP award for Postseason 2 due to their consistency and high RBI count. Ramsey plays the little-known defensive position of "longstop", a variant of the more commonly used shortstop that places the player almost entirely in left field. This allows Ramsey to give batting tips and spare blueberry muffins to left-fielder Velazquez Alstott, as well as to see approximately two seconds into the future.

Ramsey specializes in stealing the boots from early 20th century deep-sea diving suits.

Personal Life

Velasquez Alstott and Ramsey have a close relationship, with Ramsey frequently seen giving Alstott piggy back rides around the field and Alstott referring to Ramsey and "Big Ems".

The Esme Ramsey Quartet's rendition of You Better Watch Your Step

Ramsey also plays jazz stand-up bass and sings in the Esme Ramsey Quartet, along with Joe Voorhees (piano), Gunther O'Brian (drums), and Antonio Wallace (ribcage xylophone).

After Workman Gloom was transferred to the Canada Moist Talkers and incinerated in Season 7, Ramsey took over primary care of Beasley Gloom. Before Workman’s incineration, Ramsey managed to nab their hat, which she then gave to Beasley Gloom to comfort him in his time of sorrow. Ramsey takes Beasley Gloom for lots of walks and makes sure he knows he is a very good boy.

When Howell Franklin joined the Shoe Thieves, Ramsey welcomed the werewolf by taking them on their first heist. The pair bonded over the experience and it is rumored that they could be heard celebrating their victory from the rooftops, howling at the moon.

Cult Following

Due to their revelatory experience witnessing the First Pitch, several philosophical and religious organizations view Esme as a conduit for divine truth, including the Alliance of Gnostic Blaseball Historians, the Imperial Low Council of Bavaria, the Sisters of Shattering and the New Sandford Ramseyians. For the majority of their career Ramsey declined all requests for comment on their popularity with such groups, but midway through Season 4 they responded to a reporter's query on the subject in a post-game interview:

Look, I've seen the beginning and end of everything, I've stared directly into the blinding visage of the being that threw the First Pitch, I've seen the entirety of time and space laid out before me like a cheap hotel continental breakfast buffet. And you know what? Last game I struck out twice, my team has a losing record, and one of our best players just transferred to the Wet Faces or whatever. None of it matters. We're all gonna die. You either eat [expletive deleted] or play ball. I'm gonna play ball.

Disputed Inheritance Claim

Ramsey claims to be Gordon Ramsey's illegitimate child. This claim is substantiated by the fact that Ramsey is Choux Stadium's preeminent patissier. However, Gordon has no knowledge of Ramsey's existence, and is entirely unable to answer questions regarding the batter.


  • On their relationship status: "One Time a fan asked me to marry her. I said she can do whatever she wants. I think there was a priest there? It's whatever."
  • On cooking tips: "It's easier to fit the ball in your mouth if you cut it in half first." & "I learned this technique in culinary school. It's called 'digestion'."
  • On fashion: "Why are you speaking to me?"
  • On preferred pronouns: "Who gave you permission to refer to me at all?"


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