The Hellmouth Sunbeams, formerly the Moab Sunbeams, are a professional Blaseball team based in Hellmouth, Utah. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1 and compete in the Wild Low division of the Wild League, having previously been members of the Lawful Evil division of the Evil League.
- 1 Roster
- 2 Former Players
- 3 Season Results
- 4 Notable Events
- 5 History
- 6 Staff
- 7 Stadium
- 8 Fan Culture
- 9 Fan Art
- Hahn Fox
- Hendricks Richardson
- Dudley Mueller
- Sutton Bishop
- Sigmund Castillo
- Igneus Delacruz
- Nerd Pacheco
- Nagomi Nava
In the Shadows
- Rhys Trombone (Season 3, Day 2)
- Velasquez Meadows (Season 3, Day 23)
- Emmett Internet (Season 5, Day 91)
- Randall Marijuana (Season 6, Day 44; replaced by Hendricks Richardson)
- Alexander Horne (Season 6, Day 61; replaced by Sigmund Castillo)
- Malik Romayne (Season 7, Day 60; replaced by Joe Voorhees)
Blessings and Trades
- Alaynabella Hollywood - traded to the Boston Flowers for Hahn Fox due to the Vulture blessing following the Season 6 Election.
In Season 1, the Sunbeams went 40-59, coming in at 4th place in the Lawful Evil division.
In Season 2, the Sunbeams went 37-62 in the season, choosing not to advance to the postseason out of a spirit of splortsmanship and magnanimity.
In Season 4, the Sunbeams went 40-59, coming in 5th in the Lawful Evil division. In the Season 4 Election the team won the Precognition blessing, which improved Nagomi Nava, Emmett Internet, and Randall Marijuana's hitting by 20%.
In Season 5, the Sunbeams went 35-64, coming in 5th in the Lawful Evil division.
In Season 6, the Sunbeams went 47-52, coming 2nd place in the new Wild Low division. During the Season 6 Election, the Sunbeams won the Move the Mounds Closer blessing, which improved Wild Low's pitching by 10% and impaired their hitting by -5%. They also won the Vulture blessing, which stole the best player in the Wild Low, hitter Hahn Fox, from the Boston Flowers. They sent back hitter Alaynabella Hollywood. They were subjected to the Sharing Signs blessing, which improved Wild Low's hitting by 10% and impaired their pitching by -5%.
In Season 7, the Sunbeams went 54-45, their best posting to date and leaving them in Playofff contention until a record-breaking Game 99. During the Season 7 Election, the Sunbeams won the Downsizing blessing, and their worst hitter, Joe Voorhees retreated to the Shadows. They also won the Stickum blessing, which boosted the Defense of Hendricks Richardson, Hahn Fox, and Igneus Delacruz by 1 star each.
In Season 8, the Sunbeams went 59-40, topping the Wild Low division and entering the playoffs as the Wild League 2nd seed. They were swept 3-0 by the Houston Spies in the quarterfinals. During the Season 8 Election, the Sunbeams won the Base Instincts blessing, changing all players' blood types to Base and granting the team the Base Instincts modification.
Move to Hellmouth
Prior to the opening of The Forbidden Book at the end of Season 1, the Sunbeams were located in the Moab Desert. However, once The Book was opened, the desert, stadium, and team were all swallowed by Hellmouth.
Post-Incineration Horne Run
In Season 3, Day 25, facing the Philly Pies, Alexander Horne stepped up to bat for the first time as replacement following Velasquez Meadows's incineration. At four minutes into the game, Horne hit a grand slam Horne Run that put the Sunbeams up 4-2. Meadows's ghost could not be reached for comment, but the ash wisps blowing about Hellmouth Stadium were said to take on a pleasant, flowery odor.
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
For more information about the Sunbeams, see Hellmouth Sunbeams/History.
The Sunbeams avoided incineration until the tragic loss of Rhys Trombone on Season 3, Day 2. Some fans had been hoping that “maybe a few of our pitchers” would be the target, not their four-star batter. Sun Loyalists have claimed that this was in fact an act of “divine alchemy”, while others believe that Coach Sol was strategically tanking the team in the hopes of securing better draft picks. The continued incinerations, and no sign of improved drafts, have called both theories into question. The loyalists’ response was, “maybe the sun isn't protecting us. Who really knows at this point?"
The Sunbeams are known for their great team chemistry. Nobody blames anybody after a loss. They all go get smoothies from the Shadow Moabbey. It is not recommended that anyone not on the team drinks the smoothies from the Moabbey. The players have worked very hard to be able to tolerate those god-awful smoothies, and fans are certainly unprepared.
The Sunbeams do not currently officially recognize any non-rivals other than the Hades Tigers. Whenever the two teams play each other, fans cheer on the opposing team and can often be heard shouting "TIGERBEAMS!"
The teams themselves do not have a rivalry, but many fans that follow HELIOATRY clash with fans of the Seattle Garages. The Garages have a stated intention to kill the sun, which is considered blasphemy. This rivalry is most clearly seen in the events surrounding The Solympic Flame.
- Sol, head coach
- Velasquez Meadows's Ghost, manager
- Addie Tantalus, asst. coach
- [No known first name] Nakamura, asst. coach
- Determination Montgomery, batting coach
- Beef Randolph, nutritionist
- JEFF, "mascot"
- Dead Tom, the fan
- The Man Who Owns All the Teeth, sponsor
- The entire population of Bishop Sutton
Main article: The Solarium
For more on the Sunbeams' fan culture and chants, see Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Culture.
Every time the Beams score a run, a child is allowed to hurl a pane of glass off the highest part of the stadium wall. This has led to numerous incidents of children trying to use psychic powers to manifest runs, which has been a great boost to the team's morale.
At the end of a winning home game, it is customary for the Sunbeams to dump the team's water cooler on the pitcher. The Hellmouth being what it is, this has resulted in 15 hospitalizations for steam burns this season.
In honor of Alexander Horne's revenge-driven grand slam tribute to Velasquez Meadows, fans of the Sunbeams refer to all grand slams as Horne Runs.
The Solympic Flame
At the dawn of every Season, a fire is started somewhere in the Solarium using the sacred light from the easternmost Blaseball location. To date, the flame has been extinguished by Garages fans before the season has concluded. For more information, see the Solympic Flame page.
- We are okay!
- Ȟ̷̦E̵̤̿R̴͔̀È̶͔ ̶̽ͅC̵̻͆Ó̷̖M̷̲͋Ě̶̺S̴̞̎ ̴͕͋Ț̴͛H̸̥̒E̴̡̓ ̵͎͛S̷̥̈́U̸͎͗N̴͈͊
- Beam me up, Scotty!
- Call: FIVE SEVEN
- Response: SEVEN EIGHT
- Call: STARE INTO THE SUN
- Response: THE SUN STARES BACK
- Call: TOO HOT
- Response: HOT DAMN
- Nerd Pa-Che-Co (Nerd Pacheco)
- SAN-DY CROSS-ING [clap-clap, clap-clap-clap] (Sandoval Crossing)
- Cross 'em out! (Sandoval Crossing)
- You shall not pass (Sandoval Crossing)
- X X X (Sandoval Crossing)
- HONK (Sutton Bishop)
- It takes a village (When Sutton Bishop is doing well)
- The flames of James (When Miguel James is pitching)
- Lone Star Lars/The Only Star We Need is the Sun (Lars Taylor)
- Beams fans are also known to yell players' Soulscreams to cheer them on.
Have fan art of the Sunbeams? Add it here or at Hellmouth Sunbeams/Fan Art!