- 1 Roster
- 2 Former Players
- 3 Season Results
- 4 Team Overview
- 5 Fan Culture
- 6 Fan Art
- Pudge Nakamoto
- Hewitt Best
- Rodriguez Internet
- Eizabeth Guerra
- Stew Briggs
- Marco Stink
- Helga Washington
- Grey Alvarado
- Lenny Spruce
- Jessica Telephone
In the Shadows
- Whit Steakknife (Season 4, Day 14; replaced by Stew Briggs)
- Eduardo Ingram (Season 4, Day 55; replaced by Lenny Spruce)
- Boyfriend Monreal (Season 7, Day 96; replaced by Pudge Nakamoto)
- PolkaDot Patterson (To the Baltimore Crabs, end of Season 1)
- Axel Trololol (To the Chicago Firefighters, end of Season 3)
- Atlas Guerra (Season 8 elections; replaced by Mooney Doctor II)
- Marquez Clark (Season 10 elections; replaced by Helga Washington)
For a more in-depth look at the team, see Kansas City Breath Mints/History
Season 1: Blessing in Disguise
Finishing in third in their division after a valiant effort in the first Blaseball season, the Breath Mints did not foresee how the first round of Blessings would alter their team forever.
Successfully winning the Max Out Pitcher Blessing, they saw one of their two beloved PolkaDots, PolkaDot Patterson, undergo a magical transformation from zero stars to five stars. The team and their fans were overjoyed. But this was not to last. The Baltimore Crabs won the Steal Best Pitcher Blessing, and promptly stole the now-superior PolkaDot, sending in exchange their own zero-star pitcher Winnie Hess.
Now free from the stinky air of the Crabitat, Hess filled their lungs with fresh, fresh air and exhaled, for the first time in over 100 days, fresh breath. The minty aroma of Kansas City revealed Winnie's true potential, transforming them from a zero to a 2.5 star pitcher - the locker-room leader the Mints needed to face season two with renewed vigor.
Season 2: A Regular Old Guy... For Now
In the following Season 2, the Kansas City Breath Mints went 41-58. Following a second season where the Mints placed in the bottom four, fan-organized voting (anecdotally referred to as The Process) supported by a litany of statistical tools and psy-ops strategies begat outcomes that could hardly be better for our fresh players.
First, the Fourth Strike decree passed, granting an arcane rule-change to the hitters of the KCBMs that is sure to bring them straight into the postseason. Then, spirits from the Wind Realm (the Wind Sprints blessing) visited the training camp, and, pleased with what they saw, and always striving to make every plane they visit fresher, bestowed their elemental powers unto the Mints - making their baserunning increase by a whopping 15%.
And finally, Axel Trololol, the Mints' very own regular old guy who loves cars and beers - and who hides a dark prehensile secret - suddenly came one step closer to his dream of himself becoming a car, by having his pitching arm replaced with a Literal Arm Cannon. Pressed for comment, Axel said "Actually my name's Alex".
In Season 3, the Mints ended at 49-50. As a result of the end-of-season elections, the Mints gained the blessings The Rack (defensive increase) and Summoning Circle, which randomized the hitting attributes of Rodriguez Internet, Grey Alvarado, and Eduardo Ingram.
More notably, resident 5-star pitcher Axel Trololol was sent to the Chicago Firefighters, where he will fulfill his dream of becoming a fire truck. In exchange, Chicago sent back Atlas Guerra, reuniting them with their sibling Eizabeth Guerra.
- Stealing From Thieves (Season 3, Day 57, Game 3) - After reaching a near-hopeless point differential of 10-3 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the rogue incineration of Thieve's pitcher Matteo Prestige led to a 2-run home run by Boyfriend Monreal, kicking off a stirring rally from the Mints offense. After sitting at 15-15 at the bottom of the 8th inning, the Mints ended the game, and the day, with a Grand Shame. Final Score: 21-16 Mints.
Season 4: The Reverb
The Mints ended Season 4 at 48-51, at 13th in the league and 4th in the Lawful Good. They were granted the blessing Non-Dominant Arms, which buffed their pitching rotation by 13%.
Additionally, Rodriguez Internet and Oscar Vaughan had their stats randomized due to the passing of the Alternative Reality decree. Both players’ star ratings were slightly lowered, a disappointing--but salvageable--hit. Due to this dimension interference, Rod.net’s url was changed to Rod.com, as he began developing advertisements. Oscar Vaughan seemed to have split himself in two, most likely to maximize his time at home with his husband.
The Mints ended Season 5 at 51-48, barely missing the playoffs, being tied at 4th in the Good League with the Dallas Steaks. As the Steaks are ahead of the Mints in Divine Favor, the Mints were left behind in Party Time as the Steaks advanced to playoffs. Nonetheless, the Mints ended the season with more than 50 wins for the first time.
The season had a lot of good games for the Mints, including a sweep of the New York Millennials, winning three games in a row on Day 46, 47, and 48, and a 8-0 game against the Chicago Firefighters on Day 93, scoring a whopping seven runs in the span of two minutes on the top of the 8th inning.
Following the results of the Season 9 election, the Breath Mints were subject to the Fifth Base and Targeted Shame.
In the Season 10 election, the Breath Mints won the Rogue Waves and Hidden Power blessings. They also benefited from the effects of the Shadow Ban Together blessing won by the Charleston Shoe Thieves, boosting their shadows by 3%.
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Somewhat unusually, the Breath Mints do not have genuine pitchers on their roster. All of their pitchers are actually batters who decided to help out on the mound. The fans think that's just great.
- General Manager - Max Betmint
- Batting Coach - Samantha Grink
- Pitching Coach - None
- Second Base Coach - Alexander Wallender
- Radio Broadcaster - Dan Altoid
- Minty Fresh
- Fresh Death
Know more about the Breath Mints' fan culture? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Culture!
Fans of the Breath Mints - collectively known as the Minty Way - are known for their love of statistical analysis, fanfiction, tolerance, and of star Mints hitter Boyfriend Monreal.
- MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH!
- FRESH BREATH HERE WE COME / KANSAS CITY NUMBER ONE
- We Have Fresh Breath (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
- Turn them into MINTS MEAT *yelled while brandishing steak knives*
- Eizabeth Guerra takes no L’s! / [enemy team] can go to h*ll!
- Boyfriend, Boyfriend, they're our boyfriend! / If they can't do it, they're our boyfriend!
- Winnie, you better win! EEEEEEEEEE / Don't mess with the Hess! / Winnie take that Innie!
- Vaughan is on! (Aggressive clattering of teeth)
- ROD.NET! HE'S THE INTERNET! (Rodriguez Internet)
- MIME TIME!
- No re-MORSE! / DOT DOT DASH DASH DICKIE MORSE CAME TO SMASH!
- It's Mark o' Clark!
- PDZ has got skin in the game!
- Don't crowd the plate! Leave a spot! (PolkaDot Zavala throws a brush-back)
- Day 96 of each Season has been dubbed Not Nice Day, in remembrance of Boyfriend Monreal, who was incinerated on Day 96 of Season 7. Players and fans alike don dark-colored jerseys, calling back to their time as the Death Mints.
- Following the death of Whit Steakknife, many fans have begun carrying steak knives to the game and waving them en masse. This is incredibly dangerous and not condoned AT ALL by the Management. During games against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Mints use the knives to cut the laces of their own shoes, making them significantly less valuable to steal. Management has proposed screening and confiscating all knives at the gates (so they can sell their own significantly more expensive brand-name knives at the park).
Have Breath Mints fan art? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Art!
- Boyfriend Monreal fan art by @dancienrew
- Boyfriend Monreal flashfic by kelpwater
- Batter Up With the Breath Mints twine game by kelpwater