The Kansas City Breath Mints are a Blaseball team in the Mild Low division of the Mild League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1.


Roster

Lineup Players

Pitchers

In the Shadows

Former Players

Incinerated

Transferred

Feedback

Season Results

For a more in-depth look at the team, see Kansas City Breath Mints/History

Season 1: Blessing in Disguise

Finishing in third in their division after a valiant effort in the first Blaseball season, the Breath Mints did not foresee how the first round of Blessings would alter their team forever.

Successfully winning the Max Out Pitcher Blessing, they saw one of their two beloved PolkaDots, PolkaDot Patterson, undergo a magical transformation from zero stars to five stars. The team and their fans were overjoyed. But this was not to last. The Baltimore Crabs won the Steal Best Pitcher Blessing, and promptly stole the now-superior PolkaDot, sending in exchange their own zero-star pitcher Winnie Hess.

Now free from the stinky air of the Crabitat, Hess filled their lungs with fresh, fresh air and exhaled, for the first time in over 100 days, fresh breath. The minty aroma of Kansas City revealed Winnie's true potential, transforming them from a zero to a 2.5 star pitcher - the locker-room leader the Mints needed to face season two with renewed vigor.


Season 2: A Regular Old Guy... For Now

In the following Season 2, the Kansas City Breath Mints went 41-58. Following a second season where the Mints placed in the bottom four, fan-organized voting (anecdotally referred to as The Process) supported by a litany of statistical tools and psy-ops strategies begat outcomes that could hardly be better for our fresh players.

First, the Fourth Strike decree passed, granting an arcane rule-change to the hitters of the KCBMs that is sure to bring them straight into the postseason. Then, spirits from the Wind Realm (the Wind Sprints blessing) visited the training camp, and, pleased with what they saw, and always striving to make every plane they visit fresher, bestowed their elemental powers unto the Mints - making their baserunning increase by a whopping 15%.

And finally, Axel Trololol, the Mints' very own regular old guy who loves cars and beers - and who hides a dark prehensile secret - suddenly came one step closer to his dream of himself becoming a car, by having his pitching arm replaced with a Literal Arm Cannon. Pressed for comment, Axel said "Actually my name's Alex".

Season 3

In Season 3, the Mints ended at 49-50. As a result of the end-of-season elections, the Mints gained the blessings The Rack (defensive increase) and Summoning Circle, which randomized the hitting attributes of Rodriguez Internet, Grey Alvarado, and Eduardo Ingram.

More notably, resident 5-star pitcher Axel Trololol was sent to the Chicago Firefighters, where he will fulfill his dream of becoming a fire truck. In exchange, Chicago sent back Atlas Guerra, reuniting them with their sibling Eizabeth Guerra.

Notable Games

  • Stealing From Thieves (Season 3, Day 57, Game 3) - After reaching a near-hopeless point differential of 10-3 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the rogue incineration of Thieve's pitcher Matteo Prestige led to a 2-run home run by Boyfriend Monreal, kicking off a stirring rally from the Mints offense. After sitting at 15-15 at the bottom of the 8th inning, the Mints ended the game, and the day, with a Grand Shame. Final Score: 21-16 Mints.


Season 4: The Reverb

The Mints ended Season 4 at 48-51, at 13th in the league and 4th in the Lawful Good. They were granted the blessing Non-Dominant Arms, which buffed their pitching rotation by 13%.

Additionally, Rodriguez Internet and Oscar Vaughan had their stats randomized due to the passing of the Alternative Reality decree. Both players’ star ratings were slightly lowered, a disappointing--but salvageable--hit. Due to this dimension interference, Rod.net’s url was changed to Rod.com, as he began developing advertisements. Oscar Vaughan seemed to have split himself in two, most likely to maximize his time at home with his husband.

Season 5

The Mints ended Season 5 at 51-48, barely missing the playoffs, being tied at 4th in the Good League with the Dallas Steaks. As the Steaks are ahead of the Mints in Divine Favor, the Mints were left behind in Party Time as the Steaks advanced to playoffs. Nonetheless, the Mints ended the season with more than 50 wins for the first time.

The season had a lot of good games for the Mints, including a sweep of the New York Millennials, winning three games in a row on Day 46, 47, and 48, and a 8-0 game against the Chicago Firefighters on Day 93, scoring a whopping seven runs in the span of two minutes on the top of the 8th inning.

Season 6

The Mints ended Season 6 at 55-44, making it to the playoffs as the 3rd seed of the Mild League. They lost to the Hades Tigers 3-2 in the quarterfinals.

In the Season 6 elections, the Mints received the Headliners and Spin Attack blessings.

Season 8

The Breath Mints were swapped into the Mild Low division after the Mexico City Wild Wings won the Divisional Swap blessing in the Season 8 election.

Team Overview

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Breath Mints' home stadium is an open meadow on the outskirts of town. They formerly played their home games at the Kansas City FreshDome.

Somewhat unusually, the Breath Mints do not have genuine pitchers on their roster. All of their pitchers are actually batters who decided to help out on the mound. The fans think that's just great.


Staff

  • General Manager - Max Betmint
  • Batting Coach - Samantha Grink
  • Pitching Coach - None
  • Second Base Coach - Alexander Wallender
  • Radio Broadcaster - Dan Altoid

Nicknames

  • Minties
  • Minty Fresh
  • Fresh Death

Theme Song

Fresh by Kool & The Gang

Fan Culture

Know more about the Breath Mints' fan culture? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Culture!

Fans of the Breath Mints - collectively known as the Minty Way - are known for their love of statistical analysis, fanfiction, tolerance, and of star Mints hitter Boyfriend Monreal.

Select Chants

Team-Wide

  • MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH! MIN-TY-FRESH!
  • FRESH BREATH HERE WE COME / KANSAS CITY NUMBER ONE
  • We Have Fresh Breath (clap-clap-clapclapclap)
  • Turn them into MINTS MEAT *yelled while brandishing steak knives*

Player-Specific

  • Eizabeth Guerra takes no L’s! / [enemy team] can go to h*ll!
  • Boyfriend, Boyfriend, they're our boyfriend! / If they can't do it, they're our boyfriend!
  • Winnie, you better win! EEEEEEEEEE / Don't mess with the Hess! / Winnie take that Innie!
  • Vaughan is on! (Aggressive clattering of teeth)
  • ROD.NET! HE'S THE INTERNET! (Rodriguez Internet)
  • MIME TIME!
  • No re-MORSE! / DOT DOT DASH DASH DICKIE MORSE CAME TO SMASH!
  • It's Mark o' Clark!
  • PDZ has got skin in the game!

Rituals

  • Day 96 of each Season has been dubbed Not Nice Day, in remembrance of Boyfriend Monreal, who was incinerated on Day 96 of Season 7. Players and fans alike don dark-colored jerseys, calling back to their time as the Death Mints.
  • Following the death of Whit Steakknife, many fans have begun carrying steak knives to the game and waving them en masse. This is incredibly dangerous and not condoned AT ALL by the Management. During games against the Charleston Shoe Thieves, the Mints use the knives to cut the laces of their own shoes, making them significantly less valuable to steal. Management has proposed screening and confiscating all knives at the gates (so they can sell their own significantly more expensive brand-name knives at the park).

Fan Art

Have Breath Mints fan art? Add it at Kansas City Breath Mints/Fan Art!

Logo by Cobaltcakes.





Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.