Lachlan Shelton is a batter for the Canada Moist Talkers.
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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Shelton has quickly become a fan favourite, between a game-winning home run in the 21st game of the season and Lachlan's “refreshing” (according to an unspecified Talkers fancast) relatability when contrasted to the majority of the Talkers lineup.
Lachlan joined the splort after his favourite donair restaurant was shut down in the wake of the flooding that overtook most of the country, citing a need for distraction after the loss. Reportedly, Lachlan can be seen before home games on a dinghy over its previous location, rubbing a greasy plastic basket smelling strongly of garlic for good luck.
Career With the Shoe Thieves
Shelton has a tense relationship with Shoe Thieves hitter Velazquez Alstott, reportedly feeling intense guilt due to being her mother Kennedy Alstott's replacement following her Incineration in Season 3. Shelton goes to great lengths to avoid Alstott, despite directly following her in the Shoe Thieves batting order. Shelton also clashed with teammate Esme Ramsey not long after the trade over his willingness to participate in the team's tradition of footwear larceny.
Despite overtures from former Moist Talkers teammate and current Shoe Thief Joe Voorhees and former Shoe Thief and current Moist Talker Workman Gloom, Shelton was largely isolated from the rest of the Charleston Shoe Thieves at first, preferring to spend his free time exploring the ruins of Sunken Charleston or visiting his former teammates in Halifax.
Shelton became controversial with Charleston fans after an infamous interview in which he expressed disinterest in the concept of shoe theft, saying "I have no moral issue with it, I just feel like I've got all the shoes I need already." This attitude shocked fans of the team, although not all viewed it negatively. As long time Shoe Thieves fan and Charleston City treasurer Margaret Spindle wrote in a Charleston Glazette editorial: "I think here in Charleston we can find room in our hearts to accept those who steal all kinds of things; like small rocks, spiders, or even something as inconsequential as $1.3 million in public funds."
After the dust had settled in Season 6, Shelton reached out to Cornelius Games about fitting in more with the team. Games informed him that he had been trying to initiate Shelton since he joined by stealing his shoes and leaving behind challenges to steal them back, but Shelton simply purchased more shoes. Dejected, Shelton left Choux Stadium to join his teammates in Party Time. Later, Games realized that Shelton had taken Games' shoes with him, and declared his rite of passage complete. To date, Shelton claims this was an accident.
Shelton has since spent the off-season bonding with his fellow Shoe Thieves, and regularly comments on their peculiarity. In one instance, Shelton says he "didn't realize Vorhees actually used to kill people," and continued on to say, "I thought it was a bit." Shelton can often be found trying to calm Sebastian Woodman, who he says is the spirit of Sebastian Townsend in a wooden effigy. Shelton has not yet found a way to broach the subject with his team.
In Game 5 of a series against the Seattle Garages in the Season 7 playoffs, Shelton stole home to bring the game within one run of a tie in the eighth inning. While the Thieves ultimately lost the game 7-5, Shelton was celebrated by fans and teammates for the play, with Esme Ramsey even acknowledging it as "technically a form of stealing."
Return to the Moist Talkers
After being swapped back to the moist talkers Shelton was overjoyed to be reunited with his former teammates. At Mooney Doctor’s suggestion the team went out for a celebratory Donair in Shelton’s honour. When asked about his return Shelton was quoted, saying “The Thieves were great but I never really got a handle on the whole stealing part. Honestly I’m just glad that a portion of my budget is no longer tied up in replacing cleats.”
• Shelton’s walk out song is “Farewell to Nova Scotia” by The Irish Rovers.
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