Mclaughlin Scorpler was a lineup player for the New York Millennials from Season 1 to Season 3 and for the Hades Tigers from the beginning of Season 4 to Season 7, Day 32, when they were incinerated.

Official League Records

Debut

Scorpler joined the league in Season 1, playing for the New York Millennials.

Season 3

During the Season 3 election results, Scorpler was the randomly selected player from a randomly selected team to be traded for the Hades Tigers's worst hitter, Alyssa Harrell, as dictated by the Exile blessing.

Season 5

During the Season 5 election results, Scorpler received both the Fireproof Jacket and Noise-Cancelling Headphones blessings. However, because players can only use one armor item each, the Headphones replaced the Jacket entirely.

Season 7

During a Season 7, Day 32 game against the Canada Moist Talkers, Scorpler was incinerated by a Rogue Umpire. Scorpler was replaced by Frasier Shmurmgle.

Scorpler's Jacket reappeared as a blessing in the season 7 elections. It was won by Jesús Koch of the Canada Moist Talkers, and referred to in the election results as "Mclaughlin Scorpler's Memorial Fireproof Jacket."

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Scorpler had traditionally worn the official jacket sported by Ryan Gosling in the 2011 film Drive on top of their Blaseball jersey while at bat. They both share the same birthday and Gosling himself presented Scorpler with the jacket as a birthday present. They had been happily married for 12 years before Scorpler's incineration.

There had been reports from Hollywood journalists that Scorpler and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson were on shaky terms. This was likely due to a recent fight between the two after Johnson refused to accept Scorpler as the one true Scorpion King.

Scorpler did not have a driver's license. However, this did not stop them from driving for the ride-sharing app Uber. After being traded to the Hades Tigers, Scorpler was no longer contractually obligated to have a "side hustle," but chose to continue driving for Uber anyway.

After moving to Hades, Scorpler worked closely with fellow batter Fish Summer on a business venture designing luxury, jumbo sized enclosure decorations. Scorpler has been quoted as saying “the treasure chest is especially going to slap.” However, after Fish was swapped by feedback and Scorpler was incinerated, it seems unlikely this venture will ever be completed.

Fireproof Jacket

During the Season 5 elections, the Blaseball Gods blessed Scorpler with a Fireproof Jacket and approximately 1,200 pairs of tiny, scorpion-sized Noise-Cancelling Headphones. Later, Scorpler showed up to practice without the fireproof jacket, stating that they "have no clue where it went" and that they "prefer mine anyway."

The Commissioner's version of the story is that "scorpler tried on the jacket, then took it off and chose the headphones. no one else put on the jacket."[1] Scorpler's teammates also reported that Scorpler had to choose between wearing the fireproof jacket, and wearing the cool scorpion jacket, and ultimately made the right decision. When asked again after Scorpler's incineration, their teammates collectively declined to comment.

Ironically, Scorpler was later incinerated on Ruby Tuesday, leaving behind nothing but a pile of ashes and his headphones.[2] The headphones are now on display in the Landry Violence Memorial Hall. Scorpler's lost fireproof jacket was later found and given to Jesús Koch in soliditary over the losses both teams suffered on that dark day.

Trivia

  • Scorpler named their bat "The Stinger"
  • Scorpler's favorite music artist was Sting. They had shared many a lunch together.
  • Scorpler's favorite wrestler was Sting. Scorpler taught Sting The Scorpion Deathlock.
  • Scorpler's favorite film series was The Scorpion King.
  • Scorpler was known to only play Scorpion in the Mortal Kombat game series. Even when playing another fighting game, they insisted and ask if they can play Scorpion.
  • Scorpler's favorite band was The Scorpions. Whenever Scorpler takes the mound, "Rock You Like a Hurricane" was played.
  • Scorpler was a Scorpio.
  • Scorpler had previously worked as a tour guide on an amphibious Frog Boat, but was fired after commandeering the boat to reach a Millenials' game they were late for.


Gallery



  1. The Commissioner [@Blaseball] (6 Sep 2020). (Tweet) - via Twitter.
  2. https://archiveofourown.org/works/26488783



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