Snyder Briggs is a pitcher for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, and has been with the team since Season 1.

Official League Records

At the end of Season 4, Briggs was affected by the Alternate Reality Decree.

At the end of Season 5, the Soul Swap blessing randomized Briggs' pitching stats from ★  to ½ .

In the Season 10 elections, Briggs received Noise-Cancelling Headphones, becoming Soundproof.


COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Blaseball Career

During a notorious interview in XX23, Briggs revealed they did not know what a blaseball was, stating that they just "throw whatever I find in my hand," and appearing visibly perturbed and afraid when shown a picture of a ball.

In the Season 9 finals, Briggs pitched the 2nd losing game against the Baltimore Crabs. According to Briggs, this was a successful stalling attempt ordered by Cornelius Games, while the team's inactive pitchers snuck away to relieve the Crabs of their footwear.

Briggs specializes in stealing horseshoes.

Personal Life

Before Alternate Reality

Briggs has frequently expressed a desire to experience incineration. "It gets pretty chilly out there on the mound some days," they were recorded saying to an Umpire in XX57. "I think it would do a body good to get some fire in my bones, ya know?"

During a game in the XX32 season, Briggs was ejected from the game and suspended for two games after it was discovered they had soaked their uniform in kerosene and were attempting to light a match before their start pitching against the Yellowstone Magic. This was deemed an attempt to gain an unfair advantage, and ruled as unsplortsmanlike behavior.

Following the Incinerations of both Sebastian Townsend and Atlas Jonbois within a five game span in Season 3, Briggs entered into a verbal altercation with an Umpire, reportedly saying "Why them and not me? How much more do I need to do?"

Briggs is currently described as having a "borderline obsession" with veteran player Jonbois, who was Incinerated after only two games. They keep a small shrine in their locker, which they have been spotted tearfully whispering to as part of their pregame ritual.

Despite this occasionally downbeat attitude, Briggs still frequently spends time watching sitcoms, such as Quilting Addict, Tunnel of Hands, and Cowardly, Slimy, Company, with new teammate Hotbox Sato. They are reportedly quite fond of one another, and Sato can even be found drifting in and out of Briggs's upper torso when particularly excited.

After Alternate Reality

After the Alternate Reality decree passed at the end of Season 4, Briggs was swapped with a Snyder Briggs from an Alternate Reality.

The most noticeable difference between the two Briggs is that the alternate reality's Briggs' boiling blood, a condition that leaves them with body temperatures varying from 100°C up to 380°C. This makes the air around them ripple as it would around a cookout, and makes it appear as though their skin is steaming. This version of Briggs also wears a mullet.

Another stark difference would be Briggs' career with the Charleston Glove Bandits, an alternate-universe Sloccer team (whose lineup is otherwise identical to the Season 1 Shoe Thieves). Sloccer is a sport renowned for the lack of mortal danger it puts its players through; with no umpires, there are no umpires to go rogue. This has been something Briggs has had difficulty adjusting from after coming to the Shoe Thieves: "It would be different if it was just a mechanics issue. I can deal with mechanics. I can learn how to throw a sloccerball. But I don’t even know where to start with this. I thought that Matteo was traded out or something, man. Or that Doc had just...quit, y’know? I’m surprised this place hasn’t been sued into the ground by now."

The alternate Snyder Briggs continued to struggle with the realities of life as a Blaseball player, suffering from poor motivation and decreased performance on the mound beginning in Season 6.

To help Briggs adjust and grow more accustomed to the team, Stu Trololol and Esme Ramsey worked together to assemble a makeshift sloccerfield in the yard behind the clubhouse. Briggs often uses this field to cool down (quite literally) after particularly poor performances, and to figure out how to incorporate his signature soccer moves into his pitching. One of these moves, "The 360°C Kick," they've had considerable trouble integrating, as it requires them to utilize the heat boiling in their blood to ignite the sloccerball. When asked about this, they've stated, “Despite every other smoking hot part of me, I’ve always had cold hands. About as frigid as the inside of a sauna. It’s just the way I am.”

Team members have occasionally been spotted playing a round or two shooting goals in the field with them, most frequently Hotbox Sato. The two seem to have been spending more time together recently, but those rumors have yet to be substantiated. Briggs could very well just be emitting smoke as a byproduct of their extreme heat. Even if the smoke seems to have eyes...

After the events of Day X, Snyder was shocked to learn that Stu Trololol’s Cockney accent was fake.

The Smokehouse Gang

Upon Tillman Henderson's transfer to the Thieves, Briggs and Sato incorporated the new player into their dynamic. Henderson was spotted regularly joining the two for Sitcom Night, which seems to occur every evening. Shortly thereafter, Henderson began referring to the trio as “The Smokehouse Gang,” evidently due to the fact that all three players are in some way affiliated with smoke. When questioned in an interview, Sato commented that “I really don’t think calling it ‘The Smokehouse Gang’ is a good idea.” In an attempt to be respectful of Sato's wishes, the press dubbed the group the “I Really Don’t Think Calling It The Smokehouse Gang Is A Good Idea” gang, also known as the IRDTCITSGIAGI gang or The Smokehouse Gang for short. Most of the gang's activities continue to revolve around television in some capacity.

Gallery


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