The Unlimited Tacos (formerly The Los Angeles Tacos) are a professional blaseball team in the Wild Low division of the Wild League. They formerly played in the Lawful Good division of the Good League. They have been a part of Internet League Blaseball since Season 1.
- 1 Roster
- 2 Former Players
- 3 Season Results
- 4 Season Recaps
- 5 Team Overview
- 6 Post-Grand Unslam
- 7 Staff
- 8 Fan Culture
- 9 Fan Art
In the Shadows
- Moses Mason (Season 4, Day 54; replaced by Vito Kravitz)
- Baldwin Breadwinner (Season 4, Day 82; replaced by Basilio Fig)
- Wyatt Glover (Season 5, Day 98; replaced by Halexandrey Walton)
- Wyatt Owens (Season 6, Day 18; replaced by Francisca Sasquatch)
- NaN (Season 9, Day 6; replaced by Valentine Games)
Blessings and Trades
- Wyatt Quitter (Season 9, Day X); stolen by THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS; no replacement
- Francisca Sasquatch (Season 9, Day X); stolen by THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS; no replacement
- Patel Beyonce (Season 9, Day X); stolen by THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS; no replacement
- Alejandro Leaf (Season 9, Day X); stolen by THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS; no replacement
- Wyatt Pothos (Season 9, Day X); stolen by THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS; no replacement
- Pitching Machine (Season 9, Day X); stolen by THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS; no replacement
|Season||Record||Win %||Division Placement||Season Notes|
|3||38-62||.380||4th||Home team during The Grand Unslam on Day 74. Changed names from Los Angeles Tacos to Unlimited Tacos at end of season. Entire roster briefly became Wyatt Mason.|
|4||30-69||.303||5th||Lost stars due to feedback swaps and became even worse against all odds.|
|5||23-76||.232||5th||Set new record of fastest to Party Time by Day 78.|
|7||40-59||.404||4th||Performed Snackrifice and got all five pitchers Shelled. Received Targeted Shame for next season.|
|8||37-62||.373||5th||Pitching Machine was added to the rotation because Play must continue. Sexton Wheerer was freed from his shell, but Pitching Machine was then Shelled.|
|9||33-66||.333||5th||Lost six shelled players to THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS on Day X.|
|10||51-48||.515||2nd||First winning record and first postseason appearance.|
The Tacos finished last in the Lawful Good Division in Season 1, with their final seasonal record lost to time. (Standings indicate a record of 34-63 by Day 98.) However, the Relegation decree did not win the election, so despite placing last in the overall league, the Tacos faced no consequence of hellish removal from the league and/or immaterial plane.
The Tacos fared better in The Discipline Era, finishing in 3rd place in the Lawful Good Division with a record of 45-54. They did not advance to the playoffs. Despite their standing among the weakest teams in the overall league on the metric of total star ratings, the Tacos consistently put up what splorts writers called "a pretty good effort," and pulled off a handful of upset victories thanks to hitters Patel Beyonce and Rat Polk, and pitcher Natha Kath.
The Tacos failed to secure any blessings during the season's election results.
As of the start of Season 3, the Tacos were the lowest rated team (in total stats) in the entire League. Early season games saw them over-perform despite their abysmal stats, but ultimately the Tacos finished 2nd-to-last in their division (and 2nd- and/or 3rd-to-last in the league overall) with a record of 38-62. They did not advance to the playoffs.
Despite being mathematically the worst team, the Tacos pulled off dozens of upset victories throughout the season, much to their fans' joy and the betting populace's ire. Standout players included pitchers Sexton Wheeler and Comfort Glover who held out against challenging hitters in pivotal games. Hitter Taiga Quitter also emerged as a new fan favorite for consistently showing up on the field despite being one of the worst star-rated hitters on the team.
The Tacos endured a variety of hardships throughout what was already a tough season. Pitcher Natha Kath was incinerated on Day 16 and replaced by Emmett Owens, resulting in no change in overall star rank for the team. A series of peanut tragedies followed, beginning with Wyatt Mason's allergic reaction on Day 50. Taiga Quitter and Wanda Pothos were also subject to allergies in the following games. Mason swallowed another peanut on Day 64 and is one of the only known players to have swallowed two peanuts. This made them one of the worst hitters in the league, surpassed only by the Chicago Firefighters' then 0-star hitter Joshua Butt.
The Tacos flagged in the late-season games and suffered defeat after defeat against the Lovers and the Steaks. However, the team pulled it around to win the last two games of the season as heavy underdogs, and game 99 saw heroic home runs from hitters Taiga Quitter, Moses Simmons, and Baldwin Breadwinner. Some fans called this a statement of intent for next season, and the team entered Party Time with optimism.
The Grand Unslam
See main article on The Grand Unslam.
The Tacos were part of Blaseball history this season as the home team during the events of The Grand Unslam. Their game on Day 74 against the Charleston Shoe Thieves surpassed the record for longest game (by minutes played) and caused a major disruption in Spacetime, the effects of which are still not fully known.
Election Results and Aftermath
The Tacos became the center of attention during the Season 3 election results. Immediately upon the Interviews decree passing successfully, Spacetime tore over Los Angeles and transformed it into the Infinite Cit(ies) as an apparent direct result of The Grand Unslam. The name of the team immediately changed from the Los Angeles Tacos to the Unlimited Tacos, and the slogan changed from "72° and Spicy" to "72° and Infinite."
For the first time in League history, the Tacos received blessings during this election. The team won the highly sought-after Anticapitalist blessing with 5% of the votes. This made the team "fully anticapitalist."
The Tacos also received the highly desirable Exploratory Surgeries blessing, winning with 11% of the vote. Rather than affecting three different pitchers as is possible, Wyatt Mason underwent extensive surgery and was rerolled three times due to them still being the worst after the first two attempts. Ultimately, Mason became an even worse pitcher due to the blessing, dropping from ½ star to 0 stars. However, dedicated Tacos fans quickly noted that Wyatt Mason was not and had never been a pitcher. It was at this moment that fans discovered the entire team had been renamed Wyatt Mason—the team's worst and twice-peanutted hitter—through an inexplicable event now known as The Wyatt Masoning.
Shortly after these events, Umpire Chaff revealed in statements directly to Tacos fans that they "tried to kill the Mason, and the Mason's power exceeded ours," shortly followed by, "I fear the Mason."
The Tacos finished last in the league in Season 4 with a nice record of 30-69. They entered Party Time before any other team and did not advance to the playoffs. After establishing themselves as statistically the worst team at the end of Season 3, the Tacos defied all odds and became even worse in Season 4 through mid-season feedback swaps which added Vito Kravitz and Basilio Fig to the roster. Pitcher Alejandro Leaf emerged as a season MVP as the only pitcher to end the season with a winning record.
The Tacos were a part of the historic Season 4/Game 99 against the Boston Flowers that broke the record for longest game played in both minutes and innings, at 24 innings and 65 minutes long.
In the postseason election, Vito Kravitz and Sexton Wheerer were affected by the Alternate Realities decree, resulting in a net star rating loss for the team. The Tacos received no blessings in the election, despite having the most votes for Summoning Circle.
In Season 5 the Tacos finished last in the Lawful Good Division and the entire league with a record-setting record of 23-76. This was the losing-est record ever observed in Blaseball history, and the Tacos set another new record of fastest to Party Time on Day 78. They did not advance to the playoffs.
The Tacos had one stroke of good luck this season when the entire team was shuffled in the Reverb on Day 82. This resulted in zero-star pitcher Wyatt Glover moving to the lineup as a 2-star hitter and 1-star pitcher Wyatt Dovenpart moving to the lineup as a 1.5-star hitter. Unfortunately this swapped the team's strongest hitter, 3.5 star Patel Beyonce, into the rotation as a 2-star pitcher but it also moved .5 star hitter Wyatt Pothos to the rotation as a 2-star pitcher. This ultimately resulted in a net star gain for the team. The Tacos did not get to enjoy the benefits of Glover at bat for long though, as Glover was feedback swapped with Halexandrey Walton from the Yellowstone Magic on Day 98.
Despite getting worse for three seasons straight, the Tacos maintained a level of cheerfulness and worked toward achieving their 72nd loss in the season (in honor of their motto), which they achieved on Day 94.
The Tacos received no blessings in the postseason election, despite having the most votes for Soul Swap. As a part of the High Filter decree, the team was moved to the Wild Low division and subjected to the Blood Winner modification.
After receiving a net 5% stat boost in the previous election, the Tacos shocked fans this season by bringing a new level of competence to the field. Pitcher Patel Beyonce continued to be a cornerstone of the team and also one of the league shutout leaders for the season. Players NaN, Basilio Fig, and Wyatt Pothos gained stars from the Blooddrain early in the season, solidifying the team's new position as "kind of decent" instead of "unquestionably the worst."
On Day 43 Wyatt Quitter swallowed a stray peanut and had an allergic reaction, reclaiming their title as worst hitter on the team.
The Tacos enjoyed the benefits of Enhanced Party Time and players Rat Mason, Wyatt Pothos, Basilio Fig all saw stat increases. Notably, Pothos partied a record-setting four times, making them one of the best pitchers in the league.
In Season 8 the Tacos finished last in the Wild Low division and 16th overall with a record of 37-62. They did not advance to the playoffs.
With all of the Tacos pitchers Shelled, Pitching Machine was added to the Tacos rotation at the start of the season. Pitching Machine pitched every game until Sexton Wheerer was freed from his shell by Lots of Birds on day 47. After this, the rotation was on a six-game cycle such that Sexton would pitch 4 games in a row, followed by Pitching Machine pitching 2 games in a row.
Pitching Machine siphoned blood from Ortiz Lopez and Igneus Delacruz, stealing some pitching ability from both. On the other hand, Fitzgerald Blackburn siphoned some of Pitching Machine's hitting ability. In addition, Conrad Vaughan siphoned defensive ability from NaN, and some of Sexton Wheerer's hitting and baserunning ability was siphoned by Thomas Dracaena and Beck Whitney, respectively.
During Party Time, many of the Tacos benefitted from Enhanced Party Time, with Halexandrey Walton, Mcdowell Mason, Basilio Mason (four times), Basilio Fig (twice), Wyatt Quitter, Francisca Sasquatch, Sexton Wheerer, Patel Beyonce, Alejandro Leaf, Wyatt Pothos, and Pitching Machine all receiving stat increases from partying.
In Season 9 the Tacos finished last in the Wild Low division and 19th overall with a record of 33-66. They did not advance to the playoffs.
Mcdowell Mason and Vito Kravitz were both victims of Blooddrain siphoning on Day 10 during a game against the Baltimore Crabs. This resulted in a loss of baserunning and hitting ability, respectively.
On Day 46 a big peanut crashed into Wyatt Quitter during a game againt Boston Flowers, resulting in them being Shelled. This was the first instance of a player becoming Shelled through weather instead of the Idol board.
Pitching Machine remained the highest-ranked shelled player on the idol leaderboard throughout the season, causing the squid icon to follow them. Many fans feared this indicated the squid would eat the marked player. However, the Canada Moist Talkers successfully led a campaign to push PolkaDot Patterson above Pitching Machine, ultimately resulting in Patterson's de-shelling.
During the events of Day X, the Tacos lost all of their shelled players. Patel Beyonce, Francisca Sasquatch, Alejandro Leaf, Wyatt Pothos, Pitching Machine, and Wyatt Quitter became hitters on THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS. They were not replaced and the Tacos roster was reduced to 9 players total.
During the Season 9 Election, the Tacos were subjected to the Fifth Base, but protected by the Wild Low Targeted Shame Bubble. The Tacos also benefitted from the Hades Tigers winning the Tag Team Pitching blessing, which improved both teams' pitching by 10%, and from the Canada Moist Talkers winning the Tag Team Hitting blessing, which improved both teams' hitting by 10%. The Tacos also benefitted from the Hellmouth Sunbeams winning the Mutually Arising blessing, which improved the overall rating of each team in the Wild Low division by 2%.
The Tacos won the Downsizing blessing, which sent hitter Wyatt Dovenpart to the shadows and reduced the Tacos roster to 8 players total.
In Season 10 the Tacos finished second in the Wild Low Division and 9th in the League overall with a record of 51-48. For the first time ever, the Tacos advanced to the playoffs. They lost to the Hellmouth Sunbeams in the wildcard round.
After gaining the Siphon modification during the Season 9 Election, Halexandrey Walton siphoned blood seven times throughout the season, gaining boosts to both hitting and defense.
Despite their quick elimination from the postseason, the Tacos still celebrated the milestones of beating their previous best record of 45-54 from Season 2 and for finishing the season with a winning record for the first time.
During the Season 10 Election, the Tacos won the Sharing Signs blessing, causing all of Wild Low to have their hitting rating improved by 10% and their pitching rating impaired by -5%. The Tacos, as well as all of Wild Low, also gained the Walk in the Park modification after the Hellmouth Sunbeams won Divisional Walk in the Park.
As a part of the election Tidings, the Tacos received Peanut Bong from THE SHELLED ONE'S PODS, who joined the rotation as the Tacos' second pitcher. None of the stolen Tacos members returned to the team.
On Day 36 of the regular season, in the third game of the series against the Miami Dale, 🌮 TACO TUESDAY 🌮 arrived. Sun 2 smiled on the Infinite Cit(ies) as the Tacos broke the previous scoring record for most runs by a single team in a single game by 11, setting the new record at 35. The previous record was set by the Shoe Thieves in Season 8 on Day 19 when they beat the Magic 24 - 11. All batters were on fire this game accumulating 6 home runs and 23 hits between the seven of them; Mcdowell Mason and Rat Mason were particularly hot this game , McDowell raking in 11 RBIs and Rat getting 7 hits. However, in true Tacos fashion, they ultimately lost the game 5 - 6 after triggering the effects of Sun 2 three times.
| COMMUNITY LORE|
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Formation and Early Years
For a more in-depth look at the team, see Unlimited Tacos/History.
The Tacos were formed from the "only 14 people to sign up for a community Kickball league signup sheet" on the corkboard of a Ralphio's Grocer in Van Nuys, California. Upon showing up for the first game, they were outfitted with Blaseball gear by their owner, eccentric former-professional surfer, Guy Myrington, and have been professional Blaseball players ever since. They are managed by Albert "Al" Pastor until the time of Pastor's death, and furthermore following Pastor's return from death.
The Tacos were formerly owned by the Dilsney Cooperative as part of their deal to buy Guy Myrington's life rights in order to produce the biopic, I Married My Surfboard. Upon achieving ownership, Dilsney renamed the franchise The Van Nuys Tacos of Anaheim, despite the stadium being a one- to three-hour drive away from Dilsney's fortified stronghold in Orange County, California.
Dilsney was "excellent" at marketing the team, said splorts analysts, but the team "suffered in league rankings" during their tenure. After an unremarkable season and the feature film I Married My Surfboard failing to gross a meaningful portion its $400 million budget, Dilsney and the Tacos formally parted ways, with Myrington regaining his role as principal owner. Myrington officially returned the team's name to the original Los Angeles Tacos.
Internet League Blaseball
The Unlimited Tacos' historic rivals are the Chicago Firefighters due to the Tacos' close relationship to heat and spice; an "association [that] sits too closely" to fire — the sworn enemy of all firefighters.
However, The Unlimited Tacos have decided to end this rivalry due to the existence of Unlimited Taco flavors being available for the Chicago Firefighters, and due to The Unlimited Tacos being located in California, a place where there are many fires and firefighters are needed and respected.
The Unlimited Tacos' home stadium is the Al Pastor Memorial Park, located in the middle of the infamous six-way stop sign intersection in Bleverly Hills. Despite the stadium's construction in ███, the roadway has continued to function as an active intersection to this day.
It is rumored that the area under the stadium is filled with ground beef and Pico de gallo. It goes for miles and miles underneath the surface of the earth, and is mined for all of the world's taco production.
Due to the Grand Unslam and the creation of the infinite Los Angeli, The Al Pastor Memorial Park has converged in itself and turned into an overlapping, forever shifting and changing realm of many different Memorial Parks. Due to this, game played at the Unlimited Tacos home stadium usually require a guide for the opposing team, to lead them to the central area, and sometimes to lead them back to the central area when they end up somewhere else. This also frequently happens to the Unlimited Tacos own players, most especially NaN.
When asked how they're able to still play blaseball in these conditions, the team shrugs and points to their current team stats (which are truly poor), and said, quite happily, that they don't really play blaseball at all, but that they do make good tacos.
Since the creation of the infinite Los Angeli, ferried by the events of the The Grand Unslam, a cultural change has overcome the infinite cities. With unlimited resources and unlimited space, the city has entered an era of post-scarcity. And with the capitalists eaten, Los Angeli has grown into a vibrant, thriving, and helpful anti-capitalist, infinite world. Included in this change was the creation of the Really Big Uber, a free public transportation resource to travel between the infinite LA's. The Really Big Uber is a series of trains, despite the name.
Along with the new anti-capitalist agenda of the team and the people of LA came a change in leadership. The Unlimited Tacos no longer have a principal owner, and are in fact a unionized coalition of people who were tricked into playing blaseball but now don't mind playing blaseball. The previous Principal Owner, Guy Myrington, has not been seen since. Asked about the persistent rumors that the Myrington had been eaten, a representative of the team declined to comment, but did smile suggestively.
In this new Los Angeli, fan culture has also changed. Good vibes and friendship have become paramount, grown from a world where The Man has been defeated and the struggle to 'make a living' is no longer necessary. Residents and fans are eager to share their unlimited tacos and offer a helping hand to other fans and other teams. Good Vibes are paramount.
- Guy Myrington, Principal Owner, MISSING (potentially eaten)
- Albert "Al" Pastor, Manager
- Lore Machine, Facilities Coordinator
- Lalengua, Team Announcer
- Pepito the Coyote, Mascot
- Lil Mijo, Mascot
For a more in-depth look at fan culture, see Unlimited Tacos/Fan Culture.
The following cheers and chants have been observed by Tacos fans, and are a small representative of an ever-growing list of merriment.
- 72 and Infinite — (formerly Spicy) the team's official slogan. This includes other derivations of 72°, of terms for spiciness, and also of simply shouting the name of a favorite source of capsaicin in one's life.
- 22.2 repeating — the temperature conversion to Celsius for fans in non-US countries.
- Live Más — a reference to a now-defunct, turn-of-the-century taco-based dining establishment.
- Taco Tuesday — a date invoked even on days that are not Tuesday. Sometimes, "Taco Tuesday came early this year," an exclamation that ignores the guaranteed frequency of Tuesdays.
- We eatin' tonight; Tonight we feast; and other emphatic turns of phrase referring to consumption of tacos.
- Carne Asada, sung in the meter of the 1990s hit single, Macarena.
- Let's go TA-COS, 👏, 👏, 👏👏👏 — Chanted during particularly tense moments to invigorate the team.
- WE DON'T CRACK — Chanted while pitching, refers to indestructible taco shells
- Liberal use of the taco emoji (🌮), sometimes accompanied by the chili emoji (🌶) to denote spicy plays.
- Occasional use of the pineapple and crown emojis (🍍👑), a reference to franchise manager Al Pastor.
- EAT — EAT.
- OUR TUESDAY WILL COME — Post season 5, a reference to messages from the Umps and The Commissioner, speaking of a promised Taco Tuesday presumably when the team will be good.
See the main article on this topic: Unlimited Tacos/Fan Art
- Records of Season 1 are incomplete.
- This variable rank is due to the fact that the Tacos tied in wins with the Hellmouth Sunbeams at 38, but have 62 losses to the Sunbeams' 61, due to the events of The Grand Unslam giving the Tacos one extra loss and 100 total games (compared to the league norm of 99 games).
- Umpire Chaff [ump_chaff] (9 Aug 2020). "WE TRIED TO KILL THE MASON, AND THE MASON'S POWER EXCEEDED OURS. THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY" "I FEAR THE MASON" - via #tacos, via Blaseball Discord.