Workman Gloom was a lineup player for the Canada Moist Talkers and Charleston Shoe Thieves.

Official League Records

Gloom joined the league at the beginning of Season 1 as a member of the Charleston Shoe Thieves.

During the Season 3, Day 37 game against the Kansas City Breath Mints Gloom's star rating increased from ★★★  to ★★★★  after swallowing a stray peanut and having a yummy reaction.

Gloom joined the Canada Moist Talkers as the result of a Season 4, Day 28 feedback swap with Joe Voorhees.

On Season 7, Day 51, Marquez Clark siphoned ½ star of Gloom's hitting ability in a Blooddrain game.

Gloom was incinerated while Unstable during a Season 7, Day 81 game against the Yellowstone Magic and replaced by Commissioner Vapor. Notably, play-by-play records of the game indicated Gloom hits a home run after being Incinerated.

Blaseball Career

COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Gloom was sweet-talked onto the Thieves by Cornelius Games, who desired his old rival's skill at footwear larceny. After a devastating bureaucracy accident, Games thrust a blaseball rod into their hands and told them to "go get 'em, champ." Sources presumed that Gloom was just too polite to mention they have no idea how to use the rod. Since that incident, they had been slugging away out there for the Shoe Thieves, day in, day out.


IN THE FEEDBACK

During the FEEDBACK, Workman Gloom and Joe Voorhees shared a single moment where they were able to exchange words of forewarning and advice. Fans described the exchange as “precious”[1], “intimate”[2][3], and “so loud it’s imprinted on my brain”[4].Workman Gloom put his hand on Voorhees’ shoulder and uttered, “Take care of Beasley, he really is a good boy.” Voorhees, ever the straightforward blaseball player[2], signed the best advice he could think of to impart on someone new to the Moist Talkers: “Remember, Be Kind, Be Gross. The Wet is always deeper.”

Career with the Moist Talkers

Saddened by getting ripped “unceremoniously”[5] away from the Shoe Thieves and their beloved[3] pet dog, Workman Gloom spontaneously formed a personal rain cloud. It hung grey, wet, and stormy a meter above their head.[6] It wore the sickest kicks[7].

Voorhees’ cryptic advice was surprisingly helpful to Gloom as they adjusted to the Moist Talkers. A sweaty reporter asked Gloom to explain Voorhees’ advice. “I’m only beginning to understand the depth of my own moistness.” they replied. “Accepting moistness into your heart is a journey of self discovery that I’m excited to be on. Someday I hope to be as attuned to the depths as Voorhees was. He’s a real role model, despite the murder.”[8].

Workman became an invaluable guide to Voorhees during his rough adjustment to the Shoe Thieves. It was said that the pair’s respect for each-other grew stronger daily.

Despite the damp and gloomy weather Gloom brought to the field, they had proven to have an unbreakable love of blaseball and their teammates. Gloom was trying their best to teach the Moist Talkers how to steal the other teams shoes, and maybe even a blase or two, but was met with incredible incompetence as every single Moist Talker was caught stealing.

After a good while with the Moist Talkers, Gloom developed a slight purple hue on their skin and started sprouting sessile organisms from their neck. When asked, Mooney Doctor stated that Doctor-Patient confidentiality prohibited her from divulging whether these organisms are sprouting in other areas of Workman's physique or if indeed they existed at all. Fans theorized that their change in skin tone was attributed to the incinerated former Moist Talkers hitter Tyler Violet infusing their incorporeal spirit with Gloom. Others theorized that it may have been a side effect of their personal rain cloud or that it was simply the damp playing tricks in the light.

Personal Life

Gloom specialized in stealing high-top sneakers.

Beasley Gloom, the Shoe Thieves' canine pitcher, is Workman's dog. Sources say that Beasley was very happy that they're at all of their games.

During Season 3, Gloom scored a single in a fifteen-inning game against the Tacos, giving the Shoe Thieves an edge and likely preventing a Spillover. When asked for comment, Gloom responded: "What? Hey, I gotta get home so Beasley can get his dinner." Beasley was then fed his standard evening bowl of kibble, with a treat for dessert because he had been such a good boy that day.

Incineration

For unknown reasons, Gloom's incineration was notably different from previous incinerations seen in blaseball, with the flame catching at the edges of Gloom's pant legs and moving inwards slowly, taking a total of 213 seconds to complete. Initially, play was stopped when the flames were first spotted, but Gloom insisted on continuing the game, shouting at Yellowstone Magic pitcher Logan Rodriguez to "throw the [expletive deleted] ball already". After a moment of hesitation, Rodriguez pitched as normal, and Gloom's bat made contact with the ball. At that point, the Incineration process rapidly accelerated, consuming Gloom's body and bat in less than a second. The impact of the swing combined with the force of the Incineration created a great deal of both light and noise, and Umpires were unable to determine whether the ball had been hit out of the park or consumed by flame, and credited Gloom with a final Home Run, awarding the Moist Talkers one run despite Gloom having failed to round the bases following the hit.

Despite playing for the Moist Talkers during their Incineration, Workman Gloom's name was added to the Sunken Charleston Remembrance Obelisk.

Fan Art


  1. Definitely real source
  2. 2.0 2.1 Another absolutely real source
  3. 3.0 3.1 Someone 100% said this
  4. My left toe
  5. I'm sure I read this in a book somewhere? Yeah. Sure.
  6. It was pointed out by observant fans that Gloom's rain cloud technically counts as spittle as it is (arguably) produced by their corporeal form. Therefore Gloom was a great asset to the team's required donation of spittle to the Belligerent Phlegm Receptacle.
  7. This is an objective fact; stop editing the page saying a citation is needed!
  8. An interview by a reporter who has since gone missing in the depths of Gleek Arena.


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